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O oposto de onde queria estar.



"(...) não termina e eu preciso chegar. Que horas são mesmo? Já são 8 e 23. Eu não posso esquecer de pagar a conta de luz. Onde vou almoçar hoje mesmo? Anda logo ônibus! O vencimento é hoje e ainda não paguei a luz. Tudo prá última hora! Não posso esquecer de ir pegar a calça em Dona Terezinha. Anda logo, vai! O que eu vou almoçar? Amanhã tem aula com Toledo, que saco! Por que ele não tem uma dor de barriga, hein? Ai, céus... 8 e 25 e eu presa aqui. Onde vou encontrar um posto da Coelba? Não é possível que não tenha um sequer em Brotas! Bora, bora... anda! Será que a calça dessa vez ficou boa? Quanto Dona Terezinha disse que era mesmo? Ai, cabeça! Toledo nunca falta, né? Eu podia ir comer perto(...)"

Naquela sexta o ônibus seguia em seu intinerário já previsível, levando Isabela pela ruas e ladeiras de Salvador. Quem a via sentada, quieta no seu vestido cinza e escapim preto, olhos fixos prá algum ponto fora da janela, não imaginava a agitação de pensamentos e preocupações que se passava em sua cabeça.
*
Ela vinha da casa ela escolheu para ser seu lar, indo em direção ao trabalho que batalhou um bom tempo prá conseguir e no dia seguinte iria as aulas da pós que sempre sonhou fazer. Era independente, reconhecida pelos seus superiores pela sua competência, tinha grandes chances de ascensão e ainda era jovem. Mas não havia espírito prá usufruir nada disso. Ainda não era o suficiente! Ainda havia um vazio! Ainda havia muito a fazer!
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Desde cedo aprendeu a ser disciplinada com seus objetivos. O lema sempre foi sacrificar alguns momentos do presente por uma vitória no futuro. Por isso, até o dia da formatura, nunca havia perdido uma noite de sono prá fazer "farra". Era do tipo que ia a praia com cadernos e livros prá estudar. Achava que todas suas amigas estavam perdendo a vida em perder tempo com coisas fúteis como passeios a shoppings, festas e shows. Seus finais-de-semana, suas noites, seus pensamentos eram focado num futuro inatingível, sempre cada vez mais distante a medida que avançava. Não apenas o ônibus onde estava, mas principalmente disciplina a levou onde estava. E de alguma forma, aquilo tudo tinha que valer a pena.
*
E entre pensamentos na Ladeira da Cruz da Redenção que viu, por um segundo, na rua um rapaz de bermuda cargo e camisa sem mangas descer a ladeira abraçado numa moça de vestido floral. E, para Isabela, o mundo parou!
E continuou parado.

Era ele, ali materalizado. Aquele que insistia em pensar como se fosse só um produto de sua imaginação.

Não havia mais contas a pagar, nem calças para pegar, nem aulas para assistir, nem um ônibus que andava devagar, nem o barulho dos carros, nem outras pessoas a seu redor. Só havia ele descendo a ladeira abraçado com uma outra mulher de vestido floral. O ônibus seguia em por seu percurso, mas ela continuava vivendo aquele segundo. E continuava a ver a bermuda verde cargo, a expressão de sorriso, o vestido floral, os braços rodeando um corpo que não era o seu.

Ele, que não queria estudar. Ele que fugia da aula prá fumar maconha. Ele que quando chovia, corria prá se banhar naquela água dizendo que era prá absorver a energia do mundo. Ele que não era ambicioso. Ele que não queria saber de trabalhar. Ele que quando ria ficava com o rosto vermelho.

Ele. Ali. Sorrindo e abraçando uma mulher de vestido floral. Três anos depois.

Isabela olhou prá si. Vestido cinza e escapim preto. Pela primeira vez naquela manhã percebeu que o céu estava lindo, ensolarado e sem nuvens. Viu que sentada ao seu lado, a menos de 5 centímetros, uma mãe embalava o sono de seu bebê. E Isabela de vestido cinza. Os dedos espremidos dentro do escapim preto. O dia tava tão bonito lá fora!

E ele continuava a descer a ladeira, continuamente, na mente de Isabela. E ela continuava engessada naquele vestido cinza. Será que era realmente isso que ela queria quando lhe disse "não", mesmo querendo dizer "sim"?

Não havia mais trabalho, não havia mais Brotas, não havia mais ônibus.

Quis tirar os sapatos. Quis não ter que ir trabalhar. Quis fugir dali. Ir prá um lugar distante, talvez. Estar num lugar onde não tivesse que ser o projeto do que queria ser e ser a pessoa que ela já era. Queria, pelo menos, ir se refugiar em sua cama prá se acalmar, embaixo de muitas cobertas e travesseiros.

Queria ir prá o oposto de onde estava.

53 comentários:

Fernanda Santiago Valente disse...

Vanessa, gostei muito... eu vou fazer 28 e ainda não sei dirigir. (Será que aprenderei com 28 tb? ). rs.
Semana passada me deram 17 anos. rs... mas já estou chegando aos 28. Ih, passa...
bjs.

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Bem legal o conto!!!

A vida é muito mais que estudo ou trabalho temos que também nos divertir se não acabamos pirando...

Katarina disse...

Adorei seu blog. Muito bom o texto. Só sugiro colocar numa cor mais legível da proxima vez... ai esse verde soi sofrivel para os meus olhinhos cansados, rs. Abraço!!

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tudo ao mesmo tempo agora ... a vida é assim mesmo.

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